Recent Blog Entries
Recent blog posts written by Divorce Consultant, Attorney Peggy J. Brammer.
Please note, all names and factual circumstances have been altered or changed to protect the privacy of all individuals.
Divorce Consultant Support
If you are facing divorce and feel like you don't know where to turn, whom to hire, what should be the first step, in one hour I can provide enough information to help you feel directional and purposeful in that path. If you have an attorney and you feel you are not moving in the direction you want or need, either you have the wrong attorney, or your attorney needs some guidance, some external push from another professional, as to how to best proceed in your particular case, for your particular needs.
Trial Strategy: Use Your Emotions, Don't Succumb To Your Emotions
Susan's dilemma:
A motion was filed to set aside an existing marital settlement agreement, a difficult task in the best of circumstances but necessary here given the unconscionable settlement agreement and emotional condition of Susan. It was clear it would be tough, husband was being challenged to part with money, money that belonged half to wife and he had cheated her out of; but it was hard to predict the type of legal maneuvering that husband produced.
Lesson: instead of reacting to the 'maneuvered motion' leveled against you, consider the reason behind it, and employ your own strategy. Know your emotions, embrace them for the knowledge they provide, but don't succumb to your emotions. Calmly oppose the request for a TRO or other motions and react in private.
Staying focused in the most difficult of times always gets the best results. It's also the hardest time to stay focused, which is why having a divorce consultant to help you process information and direct the hired attorney during this challenging time becomes invaluable in the long run: for net result, reducing out of pocket attorney fees, and creating a calmer state of mind.
Child Support/Benefits Of Private Agreements Outside Court System
Pamela has been divorced for some time, but continues to receive child support payments. These child support payments were negotiated, additional support beyond any legal obligation under statutory requirements. Pamela forfeited community property interests at time of divorce in exchange for increased child support. It should be a plan that works; it's based on written agreements and obligations. However, this is her 2nd time back in court to enforce payment. Husband has a difficult relationship with the children, and when he gets really stuck, doesn't know how to move himself out of the mess that he has completely and entirely created with his children. He panics and refuses to pay the agreed upon child support, his only leverage. Wife is now forced to go back to court to enforce judgment. Even though a court order from the original settlement dictates the terms, the court continues to accommodate husband. It is probably personal for this judge at this juncture; there is some intangible that results in the court continuing to accede to something the husband requests. Given this judge's predisposition, a private settlement might benefit even if wife has to give up a small amount of entitled support.
Caveat: be cautious of the court system, especially if there is substantial money involved, and pursue private settlement. However, the professionals you employ and the method you choose in a private settlement is critical, it determines outcome.
Spousal Support/Maintaining Integrity Through Divorce
Thomas's Approach: The husband wanted out of the marriage. It was fair and reasonable but he had guilt in his heart for his ex-wife. Here, Thomas wanted to pay more spousal support for a longer period than would have been ordered by a court under statutory/case law. It was important to make certain that Thomas knew his legal rights, obligations and was proceeding independently of those provisions voluntarily. Thomas did make some modifications. However, he went ahead with his plans. He now reports a quite extraordinary relationship with his children and a decent openness with his ex. Further, for what's it worth, he claims that the few times in is life, his divorce being one of those times, when he is more generous than not with respect to money, somehow that money comes back to him in other ways.
Setting Aside An Existing Marital Settlement Agreement
Susan filed a motion to set aside a previously executed MSA (marital settlement agreement) because her background facts constituted grounds for good cause. By definition this meant she had to file in court and have the case heard by a judge; one is not going to be able to settle privately in this circumstance. And even though her set of facts constituted good cause, the courts are always reluctant to set aside previously signed and sealed agreements. The last time I wrote about Susan (Trial Strategy: Use Your Emotions, Don't Succumb To Your Emotions) I focused on the issue of using one's emotions in a legal setting in a directed way; emotionally react to the other side's legal maneuvering in private and than search for the reason behind the strategy and employ your own strategy in light of those facts. In Susan's case, after motions were filed but before they were decided, the case went before the court as a settlement conference where the entire matter was settled. It was a positive outcome for Susan.
Lesson: Don't be afraid to use the courts if necessary, just do so wisely. This case is an example of a situation where litigating in court was the only option. Many of you who follow my comments know I feel strongly about staying out of court if possible, but in some instances one has no choice. To set aside previously executed agreements is rarely successful and requires the intervention of the court.
Be Careful Of Winning The Battle But Losing The War
A judge made a ruling in a case involving back child support payments due from husband for over age 18 children, payments that had been previously negotiated in exchange for other property rights. (See Child Support/Benefits Of Private Agreements Outside Court System) Ultimately, the judge gave husband additional let offs as per his request, contrary to the terms of the original agreement. The conclusion here is sad; because husband's let offs were really not fair in the sense that wife had relied upon the original agreement, she walked away feeling cheated. And because the let off's involved support for children who were adults, the children knew father was reducing their support (and even though his income/financial positioning was better than ever). Relations between father and family are more strained. Father saved some money but was even further estranged from family
Don't Give Up Your Parental Rights Rashly
Often the divorce attorney is an obstacle. My services always balance that adversarial trap that can stall or halt the process. One client mistakenly allowed the courts to become the arbiter of her children's custody when she and her husband were best suited and capable of deciding this issue, even though they were divorcing and experiencing conflict. The attorneys were entrenched in their respective battles and too quick to turn over issues related to custody, visitation etc. to the court appointed child mediators. I helped my client regain, along with her ex-spouse, the decision making power related to (her/their) children's physical custody and save tens of thousands of dollars and unbearable grief.